Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence announce the launch of new App

The Manchester House of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence is pleased to announce the launch of SnapTwat, a free, new social media application which aims to take the disappointment out of on-line dating. Most other conventional dating applications such as Gritter, Splatter and CreamPie are time consuming, expensive and, we have found, encourage the spread of venereal disease.

How many times has your internet date insisted you meet him after dusk? Or after school? Or after the funeral? Or all three! It can be so disappointing and disheartening.

SnapTwat™ takes the uncertainty and disappointment out of internet dating by allowing you to connect with the complete twat of your choice – we cut out all the messing around and get straight to the point! Simply set up your free profile, stating what sort of twat you would like to meet, and what sort of twattish behaviour you offer in return. Maybe you’re a preachy vegan and want to hook up with a twat who begins sentences with “I’m not racist, but...”, then you are only a couple of clicks away from satisfaction. The Sisters’ carefully vetted database of complete and utter tits, tossers and twats will match you with your idiot of choice.

SnapTwat Premium™, our subscription service, also offers the ability to detect twats in your immediate vicinity and hook up with them. So, if you are in the Manchester Gay Village and want to meet a dreary queen who also insists on showing you endless photographs of his bloody grandchildren then just log on. Or if you’re on Old Compton Street and want to meet some screaming young queen with plucked eyebrows, bleached teeth and a fake tan that makes him look like an Oompah Loompah then sign up now. SnapTwat™ is your essential guide to the twat community.

Although common on the gay scene, twats have been marginalised and subject to extensive twatophobia  worldwide. They have therefore found it difficult to meet like-minded tossers, with whom they can share their interests in unpleasant skin diseases, collecting Nazi memorabilia or photographing drain covers.

SnapTwat™, is a new, cutting edge, social media app, designed by Dr. Turing, the Computer Science master, and the wayward boys of the Convent School. Powered by cutting edge Sinclair Spectrum technology in our Florizel Street data centre (above the kebab shop), the app is funded by EuroTwat, the EU’s official professional body for twats.

Available on Android, IOS and Commodore 64 platforms, SnapTwat can be downloaded from via link below

The Rev Simeon Noncefancier, Bishop of Nuneaton, said “I was always at a loss to find a complete and utter tosser whilst out and about spreading the gospel. Snaptwat has enabled me to find the tedious half-wit of my dreams”.

What’s being said about SnapTwat™ 

• “Essential. My dance team is now happy!” Kylie Minogue

• “It’s going to be great. Bigly. I hope to be featured!” Donald J. Trump


story published on  Sat, 1 Apr 2017